I like that style, but I haven't had the chance to experiment with it too much. The book "Ride Sally Ride" by Douglas Wilson (see my review of it about a year ago on this substack) does it well. A writing style I'm using as the primary inspiration, where the author doesn't self-restrict to immediate events. Many books are quite careful about positioning the author's voice, but that one isn't. If you like the writing style, I'd recommend that book in particular.
I haven't read more than the first few chapters yet. He does a good job with omniscience - the narrator is a character with his own voice and he goes off on little playful digressions. Your story has a different tone. Maybe the digressions can be more like “here's what you need to know about this person/machine/etc.” That could work very well.
Less serious advice. More of a humble plea. Please don't make "terrestrum" the plural of "terrestrum." Please either go with Latinate "terrestra" or Anglisized "terrestrums." Same for the other "-um" words. Zero-suffix plurals make it harder to figure out what's going on.
Thanks... upon review, it looks like all the uses are in the singular. I'll be sure to keep that in mind in the future for 'stratum' and 'terrestrum' though.
You're right. What was I thinking? Okay here. "Worlds that are “far” in relative distance align annually, and thus belong to separate Parsectum.
The heroic explorers of the Dominion have mapped 4 parsectum within the Penrose, each containing multiple individual perisectum, dozens of individual sectors, and thousands of individual worlds."
Yeeaaah! You're writing fiction! And it's good fiction. I was intrigued by the world and excited by the action. Even a little sympathetic with the character, but that takes more time.
One bit of serious advice. This chapter has three parts: 1) we meet our hero and he is attacked 2) the background of the world 3) a flash of our hero's past and the introduction of a mystery. You should have ended with 2). Chapter 2 should pick up with our hero and his fight, followed by another interlude with that flashback.
Oh, one more thing. I liked the omniscient narration. You even get into the "head" of a weapon. That's cool.
I like that style, but I haven't had the chance to experiment with it too much. The book "Ride Sally Ride" by Douglas Wilson (see my review of it about a year ago on this substack) does it well. A writing style I'm using as the primary inspiration, where the author doesn't self-restrict to immediate events. Many books are quite careful about positioning the author's voice, but that one isn't. If you like the writing style, I'd recommend that book in particular.
I haven't read more than the first few chapters yet. He does a good job with omniscience - the narrator is a character with his own voice and he goes off on little playful digressions. Your story has a different tone. Maybe the digressions can be more like “here's what you need to know about this person/machine/etc.” That could work very well.
That may be a good idea. I'll consider it. The author of Ride Sally Ride definitely has playful digressions.
What you're doing now is almost there anyway. It's coming naturally.
Thanks!
Less serious advice. More of a humble plea. Please don't make "terrestrum" the plural of "terrestrum." Please either go with Latinate "terrestra" or Anglisized "terrestrums." Same for the other "-um" words. Zero-suffix plurals make it harder to figure out what's going on.
Thanks... upon review, it looks like all the uses are in the singular. I'll be sure to keep that in mind in the future for 'stratum' and 'terrestrum' though.
You're right. What was I thinking? Okay here. "Worlds that are “far” in relative distance align annually, and thus belong to separate Parsectum.
The heroic explorers of the Dominion have mapped 4 parsectum within the Penrose, each containing multiple individual perisectum, dozens of individual sectors, and thousands of individual worlds."
I suggest "parsecta"
Ah, ok. Thanks, I'm okay with that.
Yeeaaah! You're writing fiction! And it's good fiction. I was intrigued by the world and excited by the action. Even a little sympathetic with the character, but that takes more time.
One bit of serious advice. This chapter has three parts: 1) we meet our hero and he is attacked 2) the background of the world 3) a flash of our hero's past and the introduction of a mystery. You should have ended with 2). Chapter 2 should pick up with our hero and his fight, followed by another interlude with that flashback.
That's the intent. That's exactly where Chapter 2 picks up. I just have to edit the thing before I drop it.
I'll read it with eagerness.